A Feeling of Giving Up
by Gabrielle Renee
Summary: Set in France during December of 1886 in which Levi is a homeless orphan. He begins to lose his will to continue living. AU. (Gosh I'm so bad at summaries sorry... If anyone thinks this shouldn't be rated T please let me know.)


This was written with the help of a friend of mine. This is really depressing sorryyy. If anyone really likes this story or just my writing in general please do not be scared to ask for more of this plotline or other stories/pairings. I would love to get into writing again but it's just I'm not sure if anyone would like my stories... Well that's all. Enjoy and I'm sorry if you end up crying!

WARNINGS: Alcohol addiction, cancer, thoughts of suicide,

Levi sat on the porch of an old abandoned farmhouse. It was a cold December night of the year 1886. Soft snowflakes drifted slowly, settling wherever the wind carried them. He sighed as a shiver ran through him. He noticed that he was freezing as he watched the fog of his hot breath dissipate into the icy air.

The boy would be turning twelve in the upcoming spring. Although, he would have no family to celebrate it with. Not that Levi thought of his birthday as anything to celebrate. He had more important priorities to focus his attention on such as finding something edible, shelter, staying warm, and most importantly, surviving. But in all truth, Levi was losing his will to survive.

For all of his life, Levi and his family had lived in poverty. He was born and raised in a small town in France. It was his mother who spoke with dreamy eyes about going to America to reunite with his father and start a new life. Levi knew his mother was delusional. His father would spend his whole paycheck and not return for days. Levi knew it was a lie when his father told them he was leaving to America for work and promised to send them money. Of course a check from his father never came in the mail. Yet, his mother would still look in the mailbox with high hopes every week.

The disappointment that constantly clouded his mother's face taught him to only rely on himself. It taught him that no matter what he did he would always be disappointed in some way. He started distancing himself from people and became a master at hiding his emotions. Even his mother, the one and only person that he truly cared about, began to lose her ability to find a hint of feeling in his stoic dark blue eyes.

The way Levi lost his mother is a story of despair. It had been about two years since both Levi and his mother had last seen his father, and his mother fell critically ill. It was the most heartbreaking thing the boy had ever witnessed. The gradual declining of her health while she struggled to work led Levi into learning to steal to provide for the two of them. Although, no matter how much work was put into his efforts, a single malnourished ten year old boy could not cure cancer.

The night of his mothers death was the first time Levi had ever truly felt alone. Levi winced at the painful memory and brought himself back to the present. He felt like crying until he was left without tears, but he knew that wouldn't help. He began to find himself caring less and less about the icy chill creeping into his bones.

Hot tears silently slid down the boy's delicate features and porcelain white skin as he closed his eyes. The warmness of his tears fell onto the soft white snow, melting through the thin layer of ice. He felt no need to survive any longer. He only brought trouble wherever he went, and that wasn't a life worth living, Levi mused. It was then that Levi was completely ready to give up on everything.

A warmness enveloped him, something soft gently rubbed his tears away. Levi sighed at the unexpected, but much needed, comfort before his eyes snapped open. There was a young boy before him. He had the most gorgeous eyes Levi had ever seen. They were turquoise, warm, and had a depth to them like no other thing on Earth, save for the ocean. They held an immense amount of openness to them. He could see every emotion conceivable in the boy's eyes.

A tan colored hand ran through his silky jet black hair while a concerned voice reached his ears. The boy spoke in German, he realized. Tied to his native tongue, he quietly said his apologies in French all while in bewilderment of the mysterious boy's actions. The other seemed to understand and nodded, his rich chestnut brown hair following his movement. He stated what Levi assumed to be his name, before taking Levi's hand and leading him into the welcoming farmhouse that Levi had thought to be abandoned. The thought crossed his mind that maybe, he could learn to live again with this enigma of a boy named Eren.


End file.
